>The following software routine slipped thru 
>Microsoft's slimy security fingers and has been 
>inadvertantly leaked to a publically accessable 
>domain.
>
>
> The truth is out.  And we thought that Microsoft had OUR 
>interests at heart
>
>
>and actually wanted to produce a product with technical 
>quality and integrity.  "But Bill, we believed you!"
>
>
>
>
> #include <nonsense.h>
> #include <lies.h>
> #include <spyware.h> /* Microsoft Network Connectivity library */ 
> #include <process.h> /* For the court of law */
> #define say(x) lie(x)
> #define computeruser ALL_WANT_TO_BUY_OUR_BUGWARE 
> #define next_year soon
> #define the_product_is_ready_to_ship   another_beta_version 
>
> void main()
>
> {
>   if (latest_window_version>one_month_old) 
>   {
>     if (there_are_still_bugs)
>       market(bugfix);
>     if (sales_drop_below_certain_point)
>       raise(RUMOURS_ABOUT_A_NEW_BUGLESS_VERSION); 
>   }
>   while(everyone_chats_about_new_version) 
>   {
>     make_false_promise(it_will_be_multitasking); /* 
>Standard Call, in lie.h */
>     if (rumours_grow_wilder)
>       make_false_promise(it_will_be_plug_n_play); 
>
>     if (rumours_grow_even_wilder)
>     {
>       market_time=ripe;
>       say("It will be ready in one month);
>       order(programmers, stop_fixing_bugs_in_old_version);
>       order(programmers, start_brainstorm_about_new_version); 
>       order(marketingstaff, permission_to_spread_nonsense);
>       vapourware=TRUE;
>       break;
>     }
>   }
>   switch (nasty_questions_of_the_worldpress) 
>   {
>      case WHEN_WILL_IT_BE_READY:
>        say("It will be ready in", today+30_days," we're just 
>testing");
>        break;
>      case WILL_THIS_PLUG_AND_PLAY_THING_WORK: 
>        say("Yes it will work");
>        ask(programmers, why_does_it_not_work); 
>        pretend(there_is_no_problem);
>        break;
>      case WHAT_ARE_MINIMAL_HARDWARE_REQUIREMENTS:
>        say("It will run on a 8086 with lightning speed due to" 
>            " the 32 bits architecture");
>        inform(INTEL, "Pentium sales will rise skyhigh"); 
>        inform(SAMSUNG, "Start a new memorychip plant"
>               "'cos all those customers will need at least 32 
>megs");
>        inform(QUANTUM, "Thanks to our fatware your sales will 
>triple");
>        get_big_bonus(INTEL, SAMSUNG, QUANTUM); 
>        break;
>      case DOES_MICROSOFT_GET_TOO_MUCH_INFLUENCE:
>        say("Oh no, we are just here to make a better world for 
>             everyone");
>        register(journalist, Big_Bill_Book); 
>        when(time_is_ripe)
>        {
>          arrest(journalist);
>          brainwash(journalist);
>          when(journalist_says_windows95_is_bugfree) 
>          {
>            order(journalist, "write a nice objective article"); 
>            release (journalist);
>          }
>        }
>        break;
>   }
>   while (vapourware)
>   {
>      introduction_date++; /* Delay */
>      if (no_one_believes_anymore_there_will_be_a_release) 
>        break;
>      say("It will be ready in",today+ONE_MONTH); 
>   }
>   release(beta_version)
>   while (everyone_is_dumb_enough_to_buy_our_bugware) 
>   {
>     bills_bank_account += 150*megabucks;
>     release(new_and_even_better_beta_version); 
>     introduce(more_memory_requirements);
>     if (customers_report_installation_problems) 
>     {
>      say("that is a hardware problem, not a software problem"); 
>       if (smart_customer_says_but_you_promised_plug_and_play)
>       {
>         ignore(customer);
>         order(microsoft_intelligence_agency, "Keep an eye on this 
>                                               bastard");
>       }
>     }
>     if (there_is_another_company)
>     {
>       steal(their_ideas);
>       accuse(compagny, stealing_our_ideas);
>       hire(a_lot_of_lawyers); /* in process.h */
>       wait(until_other_company_cannot_afford_another_lawsuit); 
>       buy_out(other_company);
>     }
>   }
>   /* Now everyone realizes that we sell bugware and they are all 
>angry at
>      us */
>   order(plastic_surgeon, make_bill_look_like_poor_bastard); 
>   buy(nice_little_island); hire(harem);
>   laugh_at(everyone,
>
>for_having_the_patience_year_after_year_for_another_unfinished_version 
>);
>
> }
>
> void bugfix(void)
> {
>   charge (a_lot_of_money);
>   if (customer_says_he_does_not_want_to_pay_for_bugfix) 
>     say("It is not a bugfix but a new version");
>   if (still_complaints)
>   {
>     ignore(customer);
>     register(customer, Big_Bill_Book);
>     /* We'll get him when everyone uses Billware!!*/ 
>   }
> }
>