HOW TO BE A PERFECT ASIAN AMERICAN PARENT
             (from the second generation perspective)
     
1. Be a little more lenient on the 7:00 p.m. curfew.
2. Don't ask where the other point went when your child 99% grade on 
   his/her report card.
3. Don't "ai-yah" loudly at your kid's dress habits.
4. Don't blatantly hint about the merits of Habadu (Harvard),Yeil 
   (Yale), or Purinsuton (Princeton).
5. Don't reveal all the intimate details of your kid's life to the 
   entire Asian community.
6. Don't ask your child, "What are you going to do with your life?" if 
   he/she majors in a non-science field.
7. Don't give your son a bowl haircut or your daughter two acres of bangs.
8. Don't try to set your kid up on a date in anticipation of their poor 
   taste or inept social skills.
9. Incorporate other phrases besides, "Did you study yet?" into your 
   daily conversations with your children.
10. Don't ask all your kid's friends over the age of 21 if they  have a 
    boy/girlfriend yet.
11. Learn to use the chicken feather duster as a duster and not a 
    disciplinary tool.
12. (for moms) Never make your own clothes for your children to wear. 
13. Never shop a Payless Shoe Source for your child.  Pro Wings are not cool.
14. Live with the fact that your child doesn't marry their first 
    boyfriend/girlfriend.
15. It's okay to say something encouraging to your child every once in awhile.
16. Dim sums are not breakfast foods.
17. Hobbies are not a waste of your child's time.
18. Your kids are not grocery bag holders for you when you shop in Chinatown.
19. Stop reminding your child that you expect them to take care of you in 
    your old age.
20. Don't make your child take an umbrella with them when it's only fog 
    that's out there.
     
            HOW TO BE A PERFECT ASIAN CHILD
         (from the first generation perspective)
     
1. Score a perfect 1600 on the SAT.
2. Play the violin or piano on the level of a concert performer. 
3. Apply to and be accepted by 27 colleges.
4. Go to a prestigious Ivy League university and win enough scholarship 
   money to pay for it.
5. Have four hobbies: studying, studying, violin/piano, and studying. 
6. Love classical music and detest talking on the telephone.
7. Become a Westinghouse, Presidential and eventually a Rhodes Scholar. 
8. Aspire to be a brain surgeon.
9. Marry an Asian-American doctor and have perfect, successful children 
   (grandkids for ah-ma and ah-pa!).
10. Love to hear stories about your parents' childhood... especially the 
    one about walking 20 miles to school without shoes.
     
       TOP TEN REASONS THERE WON'T BE A CHINESE IN THE WHITEHOUSE
     
10. White House not big enough for in-laws
9.  Engineering, medicine, and law always preferred over politics 
8.  Oval Office has bad feng shui (literally means 'windwater') 
7.  Can't find decent roast duck inside the beltway
6.  Secret service can't handle nagging from mother
5.  Dignitaries generally intimidated by chopsticks at state dinners 
4.  No chance for promotion
3.  Lactose intolerance not considered politically correct 
2.  Senior aides won't take off shoes before coming in
1.  Air Force One: No frequent flyer miles