< Why It's Great to Be a Guy: 1. Phone conversations last 30 seconds 2. You know useful stuff about tanks and airplanes 3. A five day vacation requires only one suitcase 4. Bathroom lines are 80% shorter 5. You can open all your own jars 6. When clicking thru the channels you don't have to stop on every shot of someone crying 7. You don't have to lug a bag of "necessary" items with you everywhere you go 8. You can go to the bathroom alone 9. Your last name stays put 10. You can leave a hotel room bed unmade 11. You can kill your own food 12. The garage is all yours 13. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness 14. You never have to clean the toilet 15. You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes 16. Wedding plans take care of themselves 17. If someone forgets to invite you to something, they can still be your friend 18. Your underwear costs $7.50 for a pack of 3 19. None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry 20. You don't have to curl up next to some big, hairy guy every night 21. If you're 34 and single, no one notices 22. Chocolate is just another snack 23. Flowers fix everthing 24. Three pair of shoes are more than enough 25. You can say anthing and not worry about what people think 26. You can whip your shirt off on a hot day 27. Car mechanics tell you the truth 28. You don't give a flip if someone doesn't notice your new haircut 29. You can watch a game in silence for hours without your buddy thinking "he must be mad at me". 30. One mood, all the time 31. You can admire Clint Eastwood without having to starve yourself to look like him 32. Same work, more pay 33. Grey hair and wrinkles add character 34. Wedding dress $2000, tux rental 100 bucks 35. You don't care if someone is talking behind your back 36. You don't pass on the dessert and mooch off someone else's 37. If you retain water, it's in a canteen 38. The remote is yours and yours alone 39. You need not pretend you're "freshening up" when you go to the bathroom 40. If you don't call your buddy when you said you would, he won't tell your friends you have changed 41. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you might become lifelong friends. 42. Your ass is never a factor in a job interview. 43. Your orgasms are real. Always. 44. You can be president. 45. You can wear a white shirt to a water park. 46. Foreplay is optional. 47. You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid. 48. The world is your urinal. 49. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area. 50. You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky. 51. You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments. 52. People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them. 53. Princess Di's death was just another obituary. 54. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. 55. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. 56. Porn movies are designed with you in mind. 57. Not liking a person does not preclude having great sex with them. 58. Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So, notice anything different?"