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   Wife what she says...        What she really means...
   -------------------------------------------------------------- 
 
   * We need               <=  I want!
   * It's your decision    <=  The correct decision should be 
                                    obvious by now!
   * Do what you want      <=  You'll pay for this later! 
   * We need to talk       <=  I need to complain!
   * Sure... go ahead      <=  I don't want you to do that.
   * I'm not upset         <=  Of course I'm upset, you moron.
   * You're ... so manly   <=  You need a shave and you smell of 
                                    sweat.
   * This kitchen is so
     inconvenient          <=  I want a new house. 
   * The gas tank is empty <=  Go fill it up...
   * The trash is full     <=  Take it out
   * The dog is barking    <=  Go outside in the rain in your 
                               underware and see what is wrong.
   * I want new curtains   <=  and carpeting, and furniture, and 
                                    wallpaper.....
   * I need wedding shoes  <=  the other 40 pairs are the wrong 
                                    shade of white
   * I heard a noise       <=  I noticed you were almost asleep. 
   * Do you love me?       <=  I'm going to ask for something
                                    expensive.
   * How much do you love  <=  I did something today you're 
      me?                           really not going to like. 
   * Nothing is wrong.     <=  Everything is wrong.
   * I don't want to
       talk about it.      <=  Go away, I'm still building up 
                                    steam.
   * I'm NOT angry         <=  I'm pissed! 
   * I'll be ready in
        a minute.          <=  Take off your shoes and find a 
                               good football game on T.V.
   * You have to learn
        to communicate.    <=  Just agree with me.
   * Are you listening!?   <=  Too late, you're dead...
   * Are you cold?         <=  Get out of bed and close the 
                                    window!
   * What do you think
     of my new hair style? <=  Say it's beautiful - if you value 
                                    your life...
   * Tell me the truth
     about my new dress.   <=  Lie.